All-SEC Center Jarvis Varnado has set a new standard for defensive prowess, breaking Shaquille O’neal’s single season record for blocked shots. His accomplishments have not gone unnoticed by UW Husky Nation. Here are some other facts they uncovered in their pre-game research …
1) When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Jarvis Varnado.
2) Jarvis Varnado once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
3) Jarvis Varnado is the reason that Waldo is hiding.
4) Outer space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Jarvis Varnado.
5) There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Jarvis Varnado.
6) Jarvis Varnado does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Jarvis Varnado goes killing.
7) Chuck Norris wears Jarvis Varnado pajamas.
8) When Jarvis Varnado falls in water, Jarvis Varnado doesn’t get wet. Water gets Jarvis Varnado.
9) Jarvis Varnado can kill 2 stones with 1 bird.
10) “Varnado is a cross between a volcano and a tornado.. we are so screwed”.
11) Jarvis Varnado’s calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jarvis Varnado.
12) Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Jarvis Varnado laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
13) There’s Jarvis Varnado, then there’s 64 other teams he lets into his tournament
14) Jarvis Varnado’s tears can cure cancer. But Jarvis Varnado has never cried.
15) If you have five dollars and Jarvis Varnado has five dollars, Varnado has more money than you do.
16) Jarvis Varnado is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls the area around the basket.
17) 2/3 of the earth is covered by water. The other 1/3 is covered by Jarvis Varnado.
18) Latest News Report from NASA … Last week NASA discovered a giant asteroid headed directly for earth. Jarvis Varnado swatted it and saved the planet. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
19) Jarvis Varnado could strangle you with a cordless phone.
20) President Obama has decided to rescind his stimulus plan b/c he knows Jarvis’s SWAT’s will be so powerful the ripple effects will jumpstart the economy.
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